I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
