I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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