I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
