Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
