Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have feelings that need drinking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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