Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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