why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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