So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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