Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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