Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
