Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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