i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
