all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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