do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
