I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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