Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
