he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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