accomplished twins. life is a go
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
