Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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