just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize