you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
