you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The adults are the big ones right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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