I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
