she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
kristin has been a bad kristin
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
