Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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