we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
