My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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