Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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