Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize