I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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