I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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