I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
