I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
