Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
