update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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