haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We need to get me chipped asap
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
