Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
