He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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