People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
