I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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