Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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