Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
