Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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