Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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