twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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