Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
