your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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