What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
