So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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