I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
