I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
