I am puke
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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