He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
as a side note pls kill me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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