If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this boner is exhausting
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
