if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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