You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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