watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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