I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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