I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We have started to decorate penises.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
