did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
