lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
