So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They took my balls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
