Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
