i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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