Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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