Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
