My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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