Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
