I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
