he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
