i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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