She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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