Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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